`i LovE you* yoU LovE mE-

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Monday, November 27, 2006
2:15 AM

i cant tell a story today.

i'll just say that i love pishy to death and i dont need another proof.

it's just it.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Sunday, September 10, 2006
12:06 AM

it's been what? i dunno for how long i havent posted here.

so far, we're doing great. we've been 'normal' for times.. we're kickin' ass! we are surviving.

times like these that we are having not much problems (but him wanting to leave because he thought that i said so), i cant say alot about us.

he's still my baby, and that wont change in a million years.

++

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
10:32 PM

it's our a year and two months celebration today.

i can say that we are happy. but not satisfied. we are both jobless. lifeless. we need a job asap.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Sunday, April 30, 2006
3:55 AM

change of plans.

first plan: save nuff money, go with joyce, her
boyfriend and maybe donna to the 16th floor and
ditch that no-good housemate.

second plan: [just arrived maybe two days ago or
yesterday, cant recall but maybe yesterday]-
save pay for tuition, ditch that bitch(no change
of plans on that) and stay at mom's.. while the
love of my life live in a boardin house near
college. find job for him, to pay for his tuition fee
and maybe the rent if so be it.

yeah, practicality wise, if you ask any
professional expert on that matter, they'd say i
go for plan two, after carefully examining my
current life [financial, mental, emotional, not
spiritual i guess that'd bring them to another
option] status.

hey. im pretty okay with that, cool i can live with
it. i mean i wanted to finish college, go places,
earn big bucks, start to put my brain to test AND
to GOOD use.

pretty okay with that, yeah.

until i witness him sulking. for the whole
afternoon, i felt his presence but not wholly. he
was there, beside me, feeling the same love im
feeling. there, holding my hand, kissing me
sweetly, hugging me whenever it's possible.
hugging me like he's missing me and like we're not
living under the same roof. he's there. but his
happiness isnt.

it did occur to me the reality that we'd be
separate from each other from the day we leave
our unit. that means no more hyper days for us,
no more MORE quality time for each other. it
might sound rather mushy and overrated but it's
a big time apart for us. a really rock hard
adjustment. after living for almost 3 months
together, might be a short span but every bit of
the time is wonderful. fantastically superb.
but it never did occured to me before he said
that i wont be cooking for him anymore. i wont
be sleeping with him, on the same bed, anymore.
and right now, we wont be taking a bath at the
same time anymore. full of 'anymore's. i gotten
used to him being my companion. my dependent.
my tail. and my dog if so be it when im the tail.

yes, it never did occured to me how those simple
things, to the simplest things we share everyday
wont be with me anymore. not anymore. and
seeing his face looking like a 4-year old baby
seeing his very caring mother walk away brought
another torn in my heart, that i know in any way
i object, no matter how i try to twist things it'll
still be plan B. we have to deal with reality. so
much for 90% kisses on a day..

i was so close to putting my tear glands to
action. he was.. he was holding my hand tightly
at the bus, feeling every inch of me with him,
savoring every moment we have left for each
other together with the fact that we live under
the same house.. and then seeing his
countenance like that.. it's a bigger realization of
how life is different without him by my side..
under the same roof.. on the same bed..
and i still never get tired of telling him how much
my heart beats for so much love for him.
the greatest, the most exquisite love i ever felt
which i never thought i would feel. not feeling
itches anymore. looking at him at the same pace,
with the same emotions, but greater everyday.
he has made me complete and he is continuing
making my life better and worth living.

sometimes id like to shout out this love. i love him
oh so much. and even if it's too many i love u's,
even if it sounds so redundant and maybe empty
to some other people, loveless or not, they'll
never understand. unless they already felt this
great love i am feeling and holding on to every
moment.

and i do hope.. one day.. even if life was a bit
unfair due to this sudden separation of residence,
we'll still have our whole hearts set to reunite
under the same roof, under a matrimony made to
last till time lapses.

yes, i am sure. he is who i want to marry. he is
my destiny.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Wednesday, April 05, 2006
3:26 AM

we had a serious talk last saturday, and i enjoyed most part of it.

except for the one which triggered my emotions so much. i learned that before the december incident, he loved me so much he'd kill or die for me. and then after that, during our first few weeks of being together again, that love was decreased by 3/4 that he doesnt care that much anymore. or should i say he doesnt care at all?

all those he admitted. plus the hard part. although i should still be the one to blame for the good and the bad outcome.

right now, he said that only 1/4 is missing so that the full love he had for me before will be whole again.

bad for me because after all the affections he was showing, i expected that his full love has come back. but i was wrong. well, if i were on his shoes i might be feeling the same too. after all those paranoias, it's typical for a normal person who loved that much to not feel the whole love in an instant.

good for me because for the record, it's a pretty short span of time that his love for me has come back that much. well, love is a sweet and positive thing.

so, i ended up feeling neutral. not too disappointed, not too happy mappy. just fine. after all, we're together, poor but happy so why complain? i know, everything will be better soon.
as they say, every morning is a new hope.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

i had to erase two pathetic entries because those two are about jumping into conclusions. and i dont want to remember that mistake enimor. because i trust him with all the chocolates in the world.

it was a mushy friday night when i stood at the door.. he was lying and was in a deep sleep and i stood at the door while staring at his physique. i had to admit, the jealousy hasnt subsided yet but seeing him looking lonely and tired, i felt pity and guilt because he already told me that the issue was so long ago.

and so i silently walked to where he was lying and i sat beside him. maybe he wasnt in a really deep sleep, because he immediately woke up and our eyes met for a few seconds.. then he sat up and gave me a really tight hug, which lasted long enough for me to realize how pathetic was i.

that silent assurance was really wonderful. words are needless at the moment, and only our hearts talked. we trust each other, and even though i made a crucial mistake which really affected our relationship in the past, i was surprised to realize that he exerts more trust in me than i do to him. the reason maybe is because i am too afraid that he might be so hurt of what i did that a moment will come that he'll need someone to reciprocate him more love and loyalty. well, love need not to be questioned, for i love him and he knows how much.

as i am proud to say as of now, with regards to loyalty, i shouldnt be questioned anymore. with what i felt when i almost lost him, i dont think i'd get enough courage to repeat my mistake. once is enough for me to realize that my life is something i depend so much on him. he is my life. his presence is my breath. so, losing him would mean death to me.

how mysterious things just fell into place. ever since the incident, we use silence to clear things out after a fight or a misunderstanding. we will just stay shut for a minute or so, be inches away from each other, without body contacts. and then if someone gives up, that one will come close, and give the other one a sorry, tight hug. then it's settled. plus a kiss, or kisses for additional mushy moments.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Friday, March 31, 2006
12:57 AM

what is worse than chipped toenails paired with a diamon-studded open-toe shoes?

lovers fighting and girl throwing stuff in the gutter.

a misunderstanding which started from a piece of bread with peanut-butter spread.

...and i tried to ignore his effort to win back my bliss this morning. he held my hand not once or twice, but it stayed stiff, cold, and numb from apologies. i closed my eyes from heart-melting sorry's, and remained silent with a calm look. i was stolid.

...and that aura lingered for almost 15 minutes. until mom ordered us to leave, and with another intention to pull things back, i immediately refused. he was furious. and with a piercing stare, i know he's pissed.

...and i was afraid.

...we tried to act as normal as we can, with mom around. but we both felt the tension. with another failed attempt, he pushed my hand lightly, but harsh, indicating that he's given up. war is war.

...no. i am not gonna speak to him until he bends down his knees, and offer me chocnut and say the mushiest things a sorry lover can say.

...no. i am not gonna put my white flag up.

...and so.

...he walked so fast, i was left behind trying to pull myself back together. still mad, but looking for a place to eat.

...i wanted to eat, i wanted to ammend things through food. so that white flag, the tip can already be seen. and yes, i want to run after him, hug him from the back and give him kissy-s. but he's walking at a fast pace, i cant cope. i am too tired.

...until he stopped after a 500-meter walk, and i did stop too.

...we looked at each other. fiercefully.

...and he was trying to strike up a what-now conversation but i dont wanna talk. in my mind, that anger-marathon is over. we both passed through that cold war, i bein so stolid and firm, he bein a fast-paced walker ready to not care about me if ima be hit by a calesa, or a man carrying a box of papers. yes, please. it's over. can we be back to normal? let's pretend it dint happen, and let's hold hands and walk to the carinderia and eat our frustrations out.

...unluckily, things arent that way. war is war. and what to settle should be settled. for him.

...and i said, 'diretso lang'. that's all i said.

...and since i wanna keep my mouth shut and do the pretension thing, he walked past me.

...and i tried to cross our arms, but he pushed me.

...then everything went red. masochism took place. sudden adrenaline rush, i walked faster than him without looking back with my brain swirling in the speed of sound. i am not used to rejection.

...my jacket was then seen lying on the gutter. so was my bag. he picked both things but i know i was with a sorry butt then for doing that. he was already raging with anger. and i am now shaking my ass out.

...he ran to me, held my arm tightly, i cried. i couldnt believe he was hurting me. he was making me cry with physical pain.

and i feared his words "kukuha na ko ng pera, aalis na ko, break na tayo (!!!)"

...don't leave, i dint want you to leave. i understand u are ashamed but please dont let me handle this alone. i cant bear everything. i was strong but weak. no, i am weak.

...my mind stopped thinking as to i wanted to stop breathing. everything, i am shrinking, and sulking. no, don't leave.......

that is not wat i wanted. i just want him to display more patience but what? pangs of insensitiveness i did see.

no matter how hard i tried, my emotions were eating me alive. i wanted to break down, die and spill my blood on that gutter. he was there, yet he was away.
yes. regrets filled my stomach. just that peanut butter? not worth it.

...i dint know if his heart melted when he saw me filled with tears. cold tears.

...what then. the image of my father came into view. resemblance. i pictured my father punching my stomach one minute, and then hugging me the other. is he gonna hug me after??

...is he gonna tell me that he's sorry and he felt twice the pain when he hurt me?
he tried to break it off, and if he dint do that, i will forget that i dont want him off my life.
i love him oh so much. that seeing him waving at me outside the jeepney, smiling and silently whispering 'i love you' into thin air makes me wanna jump off that jeep, return to him, hug him so tight and devour his lips with looove.

he is all i wanted, he is all that i care for, he is all i wanna bear children with. he is all. my all.

...yet he seemed so distant with that fury. i wanted him to stop staring that way, for i was shaking.

i wanted him to see me as a weak creature ready to give in for some lovin.

...did he see that?

...i wanted to ask him but i was to fragile to speak. i cant even open my mouth. i even wanted to stop breathing. that moment, felt like a very unfortunate forever.

...and i cant remember how everything was settled.

that i felt awkward whenever he's trying to strike up a conversation regarding that.

it;s weird how a lion can just walk away from fresh meat.

it's weird how a spider can un-web his victim and free him in an instant.

it's weird how a mouse can walk away from his cheese.

it's weird how we just kissed after over an hour of rage.

it's weird, but it's best not to look back at it and just look forward to what else can we have.

...because sometimes, just sometimes, love is ENOUGH.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Tuesday, March 28, 2006
2:01 AM

what if he wouldnt find a job til the end of april? will he really go to japan?

he knows, i can stay poor forever if that's what it takes.

but pride matters.

reality check.

practicality reasons.

i jsut cant imagine spending a day without him anymore! so, try a year!

altho we often fight, we often blame each other for whatever, love is still in heat. and i'd like it to stay that way forever. i mean forever.

hah. i cant blame myself for being this mushy n this blog. tis about love, isnt it?

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Friday, March 24, 2006
3:45 AM

today is what we call:

do you accept each other through thick or thin? through richer or poorer?

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

Wednesday, March 22, 2006
11:05 PM

my left eye hurts.

something small but terrible entered my well-made eye.

he blew twice or thrice, but nothing happened.

he tried to ease my pain but he failed.

my vision's getting blurry, i thought i was already seeing red, and i was literally swaying due to failed vision, but he thought i was just playing.

"wag mo kasing indahin.."

i am hurt! can't you see? i'm having a hard time walking straight and u think i am just nagiinarte? trying to get attention? NO! see, im running late, and i'm dressed formally to act like that. hey, i WASN'T acting.

that i really thought my eye will be irritated so much, i'll be half-blind.

then he let go of my hand, i walked on.. he left and went on without even a kiss.

another lovely day shattered by a shallow misunderstanding.

therefore it is willing to see LESS..

LoVe is not blinD; it sees MORE..

he stared at me with a naughty smile. nakakaloko!

aah.. we've been together for ten months but still, my heart skips a mile when he looks that way.

"ang cute mo ngaun..mukha kang schoolgirl!"

i am wearing a whatchamacoldis blouse.. a black sleeveless shirt over a red striped polo. not exactly because it's sewn together, so it looks separated but it's not. it's called style, cheap style dear, for only 150 in tutuban. :)

anyhoo... as days pass, his smile look more utteringly amazing. oh, this is a super feeeling i only felt when i met him. it is like-- the sweetest blueberry cheesecake i've ever tasted (or i can also consider contis' strawberry cake), the coolest tie-up shoes with a 3-inch heel with different matchng colors (but pink is emphasized so it appears so mushy), the sooper cute glittery nail sticker (red stars that is) put over your black nail polish, and the crispiest cheez fries i ever craved for.. its dat goooood...

*he has the bestest best smile :)*

like sometimes, i dont wanna smile anymore cause i just get so intimidated..
plus! his breath takes me to the clouds.. hmmm!

i hope we'll have more days like this that we don't argue and i'll just feel so lucky that his smile is something I DO put on his face. ;p

more , more lovely lovable days!

therefore it is willing to see LESS..